Stepping our of your comfort zone – a positive use of fear

We’ve all been there; butterflies in our stomach, sweaty palms, excitement or is it fear at the prospect of something new.

Stepping out of your comfort zone can be both scary and liberating. It’s using the emotion and reaction of fear into a positive, fuel charged action.

It would be oh so easy to keep our life as it is today; feeling the ‘same old’ every day. Day in day out. Waking up to that familiar flat line yet safe energy.

We are often told “not to go into fear” but occasionally fear can serve us in a positive, inspirational and motivational way – stepping out of our comfort zone is a strategy for change and transformation so why do so many of us resists it?

Fear can keep you stuck or drive you forward – it’s your choice.

Look at fear in a different way and it will alter your  mindset, catapulting you out of your comfort zone, into the unknown.  We often resist the unknown simply because we don’t know what it’s like to live there. We don’t know how we will feel, we don’t know if our primary human need of being safe will be met.

We can settle for safe and our lives will be ‘quite nice’ or even ‘fine’ or we can push through the fear and launch ourselves into something new.

Fear fuels ego whilst love liberates us…. more about that later.

New-ness keeps you young

The new-ness of taking the leap will bring in lots of new experiences, new energy that might even excite you, keeping you younger than your years. Your eyes sparkle and the same old-ness’ lifts being replaced by a newly discovered motivation and yes even passion.

There have been many times in my life when I have pushed myself out of my comfort zone –   from somewhat minor acts such as going topless for the first girls holiday when I was eighteen to standing up in crown court facing the man who tried to end my life.

Each time I felt nervous, tense, scared shitless but I knew I ‘had’ to do ‘it’. The ‘it’ word came from the depths of my soul. It was and still is my soul pushing me, nudging me, daring me to go that bit further to experience its liberation.

We are here to be free in whatever way we chose to co-create our lives. Your soul is caged like a bird until you discover the limit-less capabilities of being human with a mindset that you can change when you choose.

Fear fuels ego whilst love liberates us

I have been observing the ego and how it plays out in myself and others for the last nineteen years. In my role as The Life Guidance Mentor, I’ve worked with  people who are facing a crossroads and life challenges.

The ego is fuelled by fear often catapulting our memories to pluck out times when we were fear-full. The memory ignites that intense feeling of fear and separateness. At that time you couldn’t be further away from love.

Old patterns of behaviour and thinking return if you are not on alert, pulling you back to the yukky-ness of old yet familiar territory.

The ego keeps us separate

It’s part of the ego’s job to keep us separate from feeling whole and complete. When we feel complete we are love- filled, safe and free, yet as soon as fear surfaces, it risks cracking open the doors for fear to come in and expand the crack filling it with fear -filled memories, feelings then actions.

Our feelings often dictate our subsequent actions and behaviour. It’s that fickle!

When we choose to step out of the comfort zone, we choose to challenge the fear and use it for the greater good of being whole, complete and even happier yet we need to go through the initial challenge.

Push through the resistance

Think back to when you pushed through the resistance of doing something new, challenging. How did you feel at it’s conclusion?

Would you choose to do it again if you had your life over? or would you stay in the safety net of normality every day-ness?

Whatever you choose, I urge you to step out of your comfort zone just once and observe the teachings.

Let’s not  create regrets imagine being on your deathbed,  will you be grateful for living the same old same old life or grateful for the challenges you set yourself?

Life is for living, experiencing new things and challenging our fears. it opens us up to greater love and even joy.

I know what I choose.

Happy journey!

Alison Ward. The Life Guidance Mentor @ 2017 All Rights Reserved.

http://www.alisonwardmentoring.com

http://www.facebook.com/thelifeguidancementor/

 

 

 

 

Is it a weakness to show vulnerability?

Is it a weakness to show vulnerability?

It was a sunny yet moody day in the beautiful town of Malvern. I was due to meet a mentoring client for her monthly session in the stunning Abbey Hotel.

You are your business

I always use the phrase “You are your business” and encourage my clients to honestly and openly share how their journey has been since our last meet up. I believe that this approach clears any lingering energies, paving the way for progress and yes success whatever success is to the individual.

Looking beyond the mask

I could see she was wearing a ‘mask’ trying to hide her true feelings so she would remain and appear ‘professional’.

An ex corporate lady, she was used to the constant mask- wearing that the corporate world dictated so I decided I would encourage it to slip off in a mask-slipping demonstration.

“My God this last month has been shit!” I said. “What a challenging month!” It had been for many reasons personally and professionally.

Her face shifted into a more relaxed “thank flip for that” expression and the mask was tossed to the floor.

“Really you ( of all people?) have had a tough time too?” she stated.

I then shared a few simple yet blaringly truthful happenings that had occurred making it a tough time since our last session.

This was met with incredulity and yes relief!

I know there are coaches and mentors out there who would not dare to admit this to themselves let alone their clients who invest in their services, but two of my core values is truth and integrity. I simply cannot and will not lie.

Being a good mentor = being real.

Being a good mentor means being real and not afraid to show your true-ness including vulnerability.

I don’t want to be someone who appears perfect in every sense – perfection does not exist in our human world!

It was exactly what was required.

The floodgates opened and the whole drama of the last month fell out of her mouth leaving her exhausted yet relieved.

Her posture showed she was ready to do some work and let go of the weight of the month.

We proceeded to have a truly incredible session for both of us; a real unexpected bonus for me as her mentor.

My vulnerability gave her permission to be open and share her story without embarrassment or judgement.

Icing on the cake – Ooh I love cake.

The additional icing on the cake was that it endeared us to form a stronger bond. One of trust, respect and openness; keys to a fruitful and successful mentor/mentee relationship.

I know we are British and we often use the “stiff upper lip” scenario. Yes it can serve a purpose at times yet it can also create the start of a festering dis-ease within that if left unattended can breed and multiply causing emotional and mental pain “Mental Illness!”

I appreciate that when you own a business you need to be many things to many people, but if you do no acknowledge your current state, it will eventually impact on your business as “YOU are your business”.

On a personal note, I was due to meet up with a lovely lady this week but knew I wasn’t feeling sociable due to the last month’s fallout so I told her.

I admitted I wasn’t at my best and that our meet up was putting pressure on me as I reached for the discarded mask to unwittingly protect her from how I was truly feeling.

The relief it brought me was liberating.

The ‘ lovely lady’ accepted my words, understood and thanked me for sharing and then surrounded me in LOVE.

As someone who works on a daily basis to keep herself well and mentally balanced, I believe sharing our truth and vulnerability sets us free giving us the time and space to do what we need to do to bring us back ‘home’. For me it’s walking with my dog Beano.

Walk it out.

I walk it all out! Returning home, muddy, red faced and weary.

So how can we take this mask-slipping exercise forward into the mainstream?

How about when you next ask someone “How are you?” you mean it.

What if their reply indicated that they were in emotional and mental pain? You might be the person to initiate them reaching out for help.

What if by asking genuinely “how are you?” you encourage others to do the same? And what if by you asking this question you actually save someone’s life!

It can and does happen.

So lovely Huffington Post community, I for one am not embarrassed or ashamed to admit my vulnerability. I reach out to those who love and support me and ask them to share my pain so it disappears with the power of their love.

I for one embrace my strength in being truly vulnerable and urge you to do the same.

 

Warmly

Alison Ward. The Life Guidance Mentor. All rights reserved@2017

http://www.alisonwardmentoring.com
info@alisonwardmentoring.com

http://www.facebook.com/Thelifeguidancementor